America: Love it or leave it (Literally?)

Like Kodos, I'm not optimistic that the Democrats will reinvent their party. The Hollywood activists, out-of-touch Eastern intelligentsia, and America-hating college professors have a stranglehold on the party, even as they run it into the ground. Perhaps if the rank and file Bush-hating Moore-ons all leave for Canada, the moderate Democrats could stage a bloodless coup and produce a viable opposition party.

In the mean time, I don't want Bush to make nice with Leahy, Kennedy, Schumer and god-forbid Hilary. If Democrats wake-up to the post-9/11 world, then we can talk. Otherwise, I heed Stephen Colbert's election night call to partisanship:

Tomorrow morning, regardless of who wins, we'll have the opportunity to come together as a nation. This is an opportunity we must reject.

Look at the facts: After decades of apathy, this election marks the highest voter turnout since 1968, when we were also divided. Our only mistake back then was quelling those street riots. So to those who call for civilized discourse I say: "Shut your ugly cakehole, fatty!"

It's too late to turn back. Ours is now an anger-based economy. I look forward to a glorious tomorrow, when hybrid vehicles run half on gasoline, half on seething hate. Remember, a house divided against itself is what we here in New York call - a duplex.